Beyond Forty and Fabulous

You too can be beyond forty and fabulous. "What do you mean?" and "How?" You might ask. Well, there once was a time when a woman approaching her late thirties would begin to balk. Why? for the simple fact that she knew that the big 4 0 was looming.

 

Now days though, many women don't succumb to that notion. We realize that our twenties are the years of discovery. During that time we often enter the workforce and begin to carve out our place in the world. Then  the age of thirty and above brings change. We no longer have to  strive so hard to cause people or institutions to take us seriously, perhaps because by this time we've got a few achievements to our credit. Then bam! We're fabulously forty and beyond...

 

These I deem the opportunity years. I say so because by this time, we are complex multi-faceted individuals who resist the notion of getting older and beginning a downward spiral. Conversely, we know that we are getting better. Therefore, it is onward and upward! Often pushing forty, and beyond, we have left mindless frivolity behind. We find ourselves building something -- a  life, a portfolio, perhaps even a legacy. We have been, and have yet to go many places. By this time we are at least willing to think about trying something new, something that may even reside outside our comfort zone.

 

By forty and beyond, we may also have learned another language. Or like a few fab female friends of mine, we may have obtained a license for, and have learned to ride our very own motorcycles. Perhaps we parasail,  mix the perfect drink, or we just might be that sister who gives great party. Beyond forty, we have experienced enough to know ourselves, our likes and dislikes. We know others too; we are no longer naive girls just waiting for someone to 'pull the wool over our eyes.'

 

As women who are beyond forty and fabulous we have learned to trust our instincts, as well as temper our hearts -- we don't get carried away with every whim. We have distinctive tastes, and our own unique sense of style. We have opinions, and we know we don't have to always keep them to ourselves. Beyond forty and fab women are aware that we are oh so sexy and intellectual in tandem. We don't desire to look teenaged or twenty. In fact, the majority of us would not re-take the journey to get here; it was just too hard. However, we can acknowledge that along the way, we achieved and learned priceless things/lessons.

Beyond forty and fabulous women often have tried-and-true skin care regimens. We've got confidence and style. We're young at heart, and in so many ways we are endlessly formidable. In a world, my darlings, we are impressive -- to say the least; think Tyra, Hillary Clinton, Nia Long, Jill Biden, Oprah Winfrey, Ellen Degeneres, Queen Latifah, Selah ward, Halle Berry, Kelly Ripa, Whoopi Goldberg, Diane Sawyer, Alice Walker, Danielle Steele, Robin Roberts, Lisa Ling, Iman, Beverly Johnson, Judy Dench, Roshumba, Sally Field, our late great sage, Maya Angelou... The list is endless!

I don't want men to feel left out. However, I simply happen to be speaking to my ladies right now, but men, we love you just the same. If you happen to be a fab beyond forty woman -- or even a man -- hit me up. Show me some love by giving me a like, or by leaving a comment. Hey, let's show the world, the fabulous beyond forty folk are a nation and not just a fateful few. And since that is the case, I believe advertisers and politicians need to take us into consideration a bit more, because indeed we have enormous buying as well as voting power.

For those of you that have yet to join this wonderful sisterhood, (and brotherhood), just know that all of the above are only a smidgen of what you have to look forward to. In parting, I can truly say what has been said for years: beyond forty truly is fabulous!

I will speak with you soon.

This post is lovingly dedicated to the memory of my fabulous Aunt Kitty.

April

 

The Festival of Lights

Hello Friends & Fam,

Please forgive me. I know I've been out of commission for a while. (Taking care of pressing things.) However, I wanted to get back with you. I wanted to do so because we are coming up on the part of the year that I find most exciting. I love it because of the host of celebrations that take place.

One of those celebrations is known as the Festival of Lights, and today I wanted to speak with you about it. The upcoming holiday, also called Diwali is important for Hindus as well as others. During this celebratory time, many families gather together, utilizing traditions passed down for generations. For Jains, Diwali marks the attainment of nirvana, a state of bliss. For Sikhs, it is a five day celebration.

Diwali -- which is also known in Sanskrit as Deepavali-- has traditionally fallen on the one new moon night between mid-October and mid-November. This is according to the Hindu calendar.

I must say I love this festive occasion whose name means ‘row of lamps;’ thus the lighting of small clay lamps called diyas or dīpas. For many people, this holiday is significant because it celebrates the ‘Inner Light,’ the triumph of good over evil. It also celebrates the return of Lord Rama, a Hindu deity revered for his courage and compassion. Diwali celebrates Lord Rama’s wife Sita too, and his brother Lakshmana. This trio returned from Lord Rama’s fourteen-year exile where in a colossal battle he vanquished the demon-king who’d kidnapped his wife. In celebrating his return, Lord Rama’s people lit up the kingdom with diyas, oil lamps…

During this holiday, lights are not only lit to illuminate the homes of believers, but their hearts as well. Believers are encouraged to journey from darkness into light, enabling them to carry out good and sacred deeds. The ones that will get them closer to divinity. Doing so is believed to bring on ananda, joy, or peace, and the awareness of being one with all things.

 

The first day of the festival of lights is called Dhanteras, the day on which most Indian businesses begin their financial year.

Nakara, the second day, marks the vanquishing of the demon Nakarka.

Amavasya, the third day of Diwali centers around  Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth. She fulfills the desires of her devotees.

The fourth day is Kartika Shudda Padyami new kingdom day.

The fifth day Yama Dvitiya is also called Bhai Dooj. On this day sisters invite their brothers to their homes to strengthen family bonds.

A multitude of festivities begin almost a month before Diwali, causing the sales of silk saris, jewelry, ornaments, and household goods to increase. Along with the lighting of innumerable lamps, as well as the bursting of firecrackers -- which is exciting for children, the time for rejoicing is mainly early morning and late night.

The darker hours are preferred as a backdrop in order to highlight the festival’s illuminations. A significant ritual is the necessary visit to the Temple. Traditionally, people also visit the homes of others in their communities where they sing, dance, and offer blessings. Those living elsewhere, contact loved ones back home in India. Many exchange gifts, including words from the heart.

My darlings, I am aware that I have simplified most everything, but to truly understand this most fascinating festival and all that it commemorates, I would suggest you start at your local library. I will tell you though, that Diwali is not just celebrated in India. Due to the vast migration of Indian people, Diwali is no longer just a Hindu festival but it is one now celebrated in Canada, the United Kingdom, and the United States. The sovereign states of Nepal and Guyana, and the island countries of Sri Lanka, Malaysia, and Singapore also celebrate it. In Trinidad and Tobago, and Fiji, Diwali/Deepavali is a major holiday.


I must close now, but I want to say that in commemorating this special time, let us do as revelers do. Why not contact family and friends? Let them know the place they hold in your heart. Ah, and by all means do not forget to celebrate the ‘Inner Light’ -- the triumph of good over evil!

Until next time... be blessed,

April

How Not To Look Old – I'm Reviewing the book

Written by Charla Krupp, the book  How Not To Look Old is chock full of fast and effortless ways to
look 10 years younger, 10 pounds lighter, and 10 times better -- exactly what it says on the cover. 254 pages, this guide begins with aging gracefully. Not.  

 

Actually, the author speaks candidly about how aging can be a hard pill to swallow. She speaks of how women can discover things that seemingly pop up overnight -- like age spots, crow's feet, chin hair, sagging bazooms, and bunions! But don’t be alarmed, she says we can do something about those things and others. She also states we can look great doing so. 

So there I was, reading about the author’s proposed plan of attack on aging, and becoming more interested by the minute. That was because Charla advises us not to join those poor souls who have had entirely too many surgical procedures. Caught in the author's silken word web, I read that she had even tested goo-gobs of beauty products. Many of them are on prominent magazine's 'best of' lists. However, there was a catch. For the author to recommend any item, it had to deliver results, be easy to use, and not exorbitantly priced. I liked that.

Turning pages, I found that quickly I read all nineteen chapters -- which have great, simple, and often quirky titles like 'Unmatch Your Wardrobe' or 'Follow the Three-Bling Rule...' and I’ve got to tell you, there were times when I just burst out laughing! This author, editor, and motivational guru simply tells it like it is. Without sugarcoating stuff that we all face, she offers the old ways of achieving a look versus the new way -- which is most often her way, but that's okay. 

After finishing the book, I read a review of it and instantly knew those scathing words had been written by someone who was disillusioned. [Bitter was more like it.] The reviewer believed Charla Krupp advised readers to put themselves in categories, low, high, or no maintenance, and then spend accordingly. However, that is not what I took away from this book. I felt the same way another reader/reviewer did, like most of the suggestions offered happen to be things we most likely already know. Still, before reading the book we may not have been putting them into practice.  

For example, ridged, filthy or even discolored fingernails are a no-no. They need care. Like broken and stained teeth, they are not attractive and can diminish aspects of our appearance. Quite simply put, they make us look unprofessional and slovenly – my words. 

My darling beautiful friend,  

if you don't want to wind up looking like an old crone; if you want to laugh, or if you just want a little entertainment and fun while getting some really good tips from someone who has been everywhere in the beauty industry, then read this book. There are a heap of full-color photos -- some of multi-ethnic celebrities. There are anecdotes too. There are size guides, and tips to try. There are suggestions on shopping for just about anything female. So do enjoy.

As many of you who read me know, I always look for the pros as well as the cons. Yet with this book it was all pro. I found nothing that I would change. I simply thank the author and her staff for their time. I mean, to write a book is no simple task. As the author of good fiction I know. [Shameless plug for me, right? Hey, I’ve gotta do it. :) ] Anyway, I thank the author for her time and effort. I thank my library too, for initially loaning the hardcover to me. And now I’m grateful that there was bookseller to sell it to me. Perhaps one day soon you too will thank one or all of these people. 

Well...until next time my darlings, happy reading!

April

Are you super-duper fine?

Someone is always suggesting we enhance or modify our look or something else about ourselves. Others suggest we change, become, or act like someone or something else. Every season, manufacturers of cosmetics and clothing tell consumers that updating is necessary. However, I wonder, aren’t we already fine as we are? I believe so because it is not what we wear, the things that we acquire, or even the things that we hope for that make us beautiful, and worthy. Who we are -- our inner being -- is what makes us shine. I truly believe that.

I happened to read a book on beauty and in it were lovely photos of women like Jada Pinkett Smith, Pam Grier, Cameron Diaz, and Salma Hayek to name a few. The thirty or so celebrated women in the book were interviewed. Each was asked to give her definition of beauty. Although the answers varied, there was a common thread. Every woman, considered beautiful in her own way, stated that beauty was a belief, a state of mind. Each said in her own unique voice that beauty, to her, was a kind of knowing that causes a woman to glow. 

Many of the women also spoke of the double standard. We often hear that as men age, they look more distinguished. However, as women age, we are bombarded with the idea that we should change. We even receive subliminal messages. They whisper that fine lines and gray hair are unacceptable. It is suggested that we slide under a surgeon’s knife, to correct our ‘flaws.’ In the book though, renowned singer / songwriter Joni Mitchell offered something that caused me to smile. She said that sometimes a surgically altered look nullifies the character in a woman’s face. She said that afterward others can no longer see how the woman has lived, how much she has laughed or cried. I liked that statement the moment I read it! 

Don’t get me wrong. I believe to change one’s look is fine—if that is something a woman has chosen to do. However, I do not believe we should be pressured into anything.  If your skin is supple, or if it has the capability to be, then why not be grateful? If you like your hair, or lack thereof, then you are already fine. If you are a woman who adds extensions, or wears wigs, weaves, colorful scarves, or hats, for whatever your personal reason, then you could already be fine. Do your brown or other colored eyes serve you, and keep you from walking into walls—even if to do so you must wear contact lenses or glasses? Then you too are most likely fine.  

Is your inner woman someone worth knowing? Is she compassionate, or maybe even passionate? Have you taken up a cause? If you believe in something, or if you’re on an eternal quest, is that not something to be proud of? Do you listen well; or maybe you’re the woman who tells fantastic jokes and captivating stories--like me. Maybe you write poetry, or songs, or take fab photos. You might be a momma, a lover -- jilted, or still in. You could be baker, a quilter, a painter, a teacher, a seamstress, a preacher, or even a dreamer… Perhaps you’re the one who figures things out. If you're basically happy with you and if you can achieve then I say you're just fine. If you've done something that you can be proud of, or if you have encouraged someone else to take a leap of faith then you are already fine.

 

If someone loves you, even if it is only your mother, or your cat or dog; if you can clean up nicely, or not; if you can, or cannot recall a time when you’ve looked hot; if you, my lovely, are any of these things and more, then you are quite possibly already fine. So as Billy Joel's song says, 'Don't go changing...'  

Remember, it matters not what others suggest…the choice to enhance or update, to be or not to be is up to you, and you alone, because you are, in my opinion…already super-duper fine.

 

Until next time, shine brightly my darlings, shine brightly!

 

April

 

A few tips on crafting a good story...

As a writer, I've often been asked by other writers, "How do you know when a story is finished?" Well, I know when I have no more questions to answer. Then the tale I'm telling is done. When every issue that was raised in the story has been put to bed, then I know I've done my job.

But how does an author keep track of everything that needs to be covered, one might ask. Well, you could keep an altogether different document that lists points that should be made. Then you could cross off or delete them as they are entered into your work.

Won't that take forever? This may be another question on a writer's mind. Well, it may take a little while, but crafting a good story is not a sprint. It's more a marathon.

But then listing points of interest may change the initial tenor of the story, you might say. I agree. However, that's where edits and re-writes come in. I don't know about others, but I couldn't craft a great story without the twins, Editing and Re-Writing. If made proper use of, they can become an author's greatest friends. They can make a good story so much better. Often they will even add interest, intrigue and suspense. In short, editing and re-writes can turn a story into more than the author initially dreamed.

Also, as writers and authors we must look at our work as our readers will. Readers don't like it when we mention things and then don't clarify them. Therefore, we must make sure to mark and fix those things. Now I don't mean belabor a point, that can become boring. But it would be most unfair to leave the reader hanging --unless, of  course, a sequel is planned. Then that should be stated, clearly.

I feel the only time we can leave a reader hanging is when we're going to revisit a point. Yet even then we must create an atmosphere of suspense, so that the reader will instinctively understand that they are moving forward, toward something.

Below, I'll give you an example of what I mean. It is an excerpt from my latest novel entitled Improbable... It's available online at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Do enjoy, and I look to see you again soon!

—The only thing was...she needed to get him to commit, to her. But how could he, when his mind was always on that slinky, coffee with milk-colored black —girl who needed to move on? What was he doing with her anyway?

Sure, Jeremy had some Negro in him, as Mam-maw, Ashlee’s grandmother called it. But the negroidism was so far back in his family lineage until his genes had probably already rid themselves of the impurity. To Ashlee he sure looked white, and was...he...gorgeous! Ah, and he had been born into wealth, Ashlee remembered. That was most important.

So time to get to work, time to plan, because she had to make her new name, her new tits, her new hair color, and her whitened teeth pay off. She didn’t care what she had to do.

Heck, to get to this point, she had already done so much. She had even endured what she felt was too much. She’d given up her family, and her friends. She’d also left her home, so she was willing to go the distance. At this point, she would readily destroy any ‘obstacle’ that got in her way, and that included Gemma Janelle.

Ashlee felt she would do so because there was no way that she would go back to living in the shadow of the mountains. No freaking way.