Embracing One's Self

Loving one’s body, and mind -- employing self-love is embracing one’s self.  That said; as modern people, we are often bombarded from every side by the media. It hits us with messages that say we are not enough -- not tall enough, or thin enough, not light enough, or tan or bronzed or black enough. The message sometimes is we’re not young, hip, or smart enough either.

Then if that’s not the case,  we may wind up receiving the same  message, but in reverse. We are too much. We are much too loud, too big --we're obese, or we're too old or too boisterous. It can even be suggested that we are much too under -- or over -- qualified. Wow! All of these mixed messages can weigh heavily on a person’s mind, whether or not they know it.

To tell you the truth, all of these mixed messages are the anti-thesis of embracing ourselves. They can even cause many to suffer from the misguided perception that they should become something more or something less. Then due to  this constant bombardment, one might slowly begin to pick themselves apart. They may begin with their skin, or their eye or hair color.

If this is where you find yourself, STOP. Right now. Choose to silence every voice of negativity.

Whenever you look at print ads or any type of media image, remember one thing.
Most of that slick glossy sh—well, that smooth but superficial hype is generated.  When you see a photo of someone who appears unbelievably unflawed, refuse that notion. Remind yourself that it takes teams of people to create the images that sometimes wreak havoc in the minds of real everyday people.

Remember that there are handlers, trainers, photographers, hair and makeup artists, as well as lighting specialists. There are wardrobe people, and stylists -- not to mention the computer whiz-kids who digitally work diligently on the very photos that can leave an everyday viewer’s self-esteem in tatters.

Friends and fam, today I remind you, and myself, that we cannot possibly live up to enviable media images. However, we can embrace ourselves. We can invest in ourselves, in things that will increase our joy, and our self worth. We can also get off the dizzying carousel of frivolous spending. We can keep or attain good credit.

We can choose to be grateful for what we already have, and quit seeking excess. We have our bodies and our minds, which we can nurture. We can offer ourselves more of what we need. If it’s sleep, or water, or healthier food choices, we should do that. If we need to make different or better choices in friends, we can do so. If someone brings us down, lose them -- quickly. Although we can’t pick our family, we can devise methods of dealing with those members whose only goal is to push all our buttons.

We can take time to deeply breathe. We can seek out people and experiences that empower.  And we do not have to prolong encounters with pesky neighbors or acquaintances. We can also choose clothing and footwear that comfortably fits. We can seek moments of contemplation and times for solitude. We can do this to regenerate, re-charge, and re-connect, with ourselves and our God. Then we can do something for someone else.  

My darlings, let us embrace ourselves for the multitude of things that we are, and forget the things that we are not. Look forward , to all that we have yet to become.

In parting, as always, I want you to live blessed. Ah, and today, don’t allow anyone to steal your joy!

April

 

How Not To Look Old – I'm Reviewing the book

Written by Charla Krupp, the book  How Not To Look Old is chock full of fast and effortless ways to
look 10 years younger, 10 pounds lighter, and 10 times better -- exactly what it says on the cover. 254 pages, this guide begins with aging gracefully. Not.  

 

Actually, the author speaks candidly about how aging can be a hard pill to swallow. She speaks of how women can discover things that seemingly pop up overnight -- like age spots, crow's feet, chin hair, sagging bazooms, and bunions! But don’t be alarmed, she says we can do something about those things and others. She also states we can look great doing so. 

So there I was, reading about the author’s proposed plan of attack on aging, and becoming more interested by the minute. That was because Charla advises us not to join those poor souls who have had entirely too many surgical procedures. Caught in the author's silken word web, I read that she had even tested goo-gobs of beauty products. Many of them are on prominent magazine's 'best of' lists. However, there was a catch. For the author to recommend any item, it had to deliver results, be easy to use, and not exorbitantly priced. I liked that.

Turning pages, I found that quickly I read all nineteen chapters -- which have great, simple, and often quirky titles like 'Unmatch Your Wardrobe' or 'Follow the Three-Bling Rule...' and I’ve got to tell you, there were times when I just burst out laughing! This author, editor, and motivational guru simply tells it like it is. Without sugarcoating stuff that we all face, she offers the old ways of achieving a look versus the new way -- which is most often her way, but that's okay. 

After finishing the book, I read a review of it and instantly knew those scathing words had been written by someone who was disillusioned. [Bitter was more like it.] The reviewer believed Charla Krupp advised readers to put themselves in categories, low, high, or no maintenance, and then spend accordingly. However, that is not what I took away from this book. I felt the same way another reader/reviewer did, like most of the suggestions offered happen to be things we most likely already know. Still, before reading the book we may not have been putting them into practice.  

For example, ridged, filthy or even discolored fingernails are a no-no. They need care. Like broken and stained teeth, they are not attractive and can diminish aspects of our appearance. Quite simply put, they make us look unprofessional and slovenly – my words. 

My darling beautiful friend,  

if you don't want to wind up looking like an old crone; if you want to laugh, or if you just want a little entertainment and fun while getting some really good tips from someone who has been everywhere in the beauty industry, then read this book. There are a heap of full-color photos -- some of multi-ethnic celebrities. There are anecdotes too. There are size guides, and tips to try. There are suggestions on shopping for just about anything female. So do enjoy.

As many of you who read me know, I always look for the pros as well as the cons. Yet with this book it was all pro. I found nothing that I would change. I simply thank the author and her staff for their time. I mean, to write a book is no simple task. As the author of good fiction I know. [Shameless plug for me, right? Hey, I’ve gotta do it. :) ] Anyway, I thank the author for her time and effort. I thank my library too, for initially loaning the hardcover to me. And now I’m grateful that there was bookseller to sell it to me. Perhaps one day soon you too will thank one or all of these people. 

Well...until next time my darlings, happy reading!

April

Are you super-duper fine?

Someone is always suggesting we enhance or modify our look or something else about ourselves. Others suggest we change, become, or act like someone or something else. Every season, manufacturers of cosmetics and clothing tell consumers that updating is necessary. However, I wonder, aren’t we already fine as we are? I believe so because it is not what we wear, the things that we acquire, or even the things that we hope for that make us beautiful, and worthy. Who we are -- our inner being -- is what makes us shine. I truly believe that.

I happened to read a book on beauty and in it were lovely photos of women like Jada Pinkett Smith, Pam Grier, Cameron Diaz, and Salma Hayek to name a few. The thirty or so celebrated women in the book were interviewed. Each was asked to give her definition of beauty. Although the answers varied, there was a common thread. Every woman, considered beautiful in her own way, stated that beauty was a belief, a state of mind. Each said in her own unique voice that beauty, to her, was a kind of knowing that causes a woman to glow. 

Many of the women also spoke of the double standard. We often hear that as men age, they look more distinguished. However, as women age, we are bombarded with the idea that we should change. We even receive subliminal messages. They whisper that fine lines and gray hair are unacceptable. It is suggested that we slide under a surgeon’s knife, to correct our ‘flaws.’ In the book though, renowned singer / songwriter Joni Mitchell offered something that caused me to smile. She said that sometimes a surgically altered look nullifies the character in a woman’s face. She said that afterward others can no longer see how the woman has lived, how much she has laughed or cried. I liked that statement the moment I read it! 

Don’t get me wrong. I believe to change one’s look is fine—if that is something a woman has chosen to do. However, I do not believe we should be pressured into anything.  If your skin is supple, or if it has the capability to be, then why not be grateful? If you like your hair, or lack thereof, then you are already fine. If you are a woman who adds extensions, or wears wigs, weaves, colorful scarves, or hats, for whatever your personal reason, then you could already be fine. Do your brown or other colored eyes serve you, and keep you from walking into walls—even if to do so you must wear contact lenses or glasses? Then you too are most likely fine.  

Is your inner woman someone worth knowing? Is she compassionate, or maybe even passionate? Have you taken up a cause? If you believe in something, or if you’re on an eternal quest, is that not something to be proud of? Do you listen well; or maybe you’re the woman who tells fantastic jokes and captivating stories--like me. Maybe you write poetry, or songs, or take fab photos. You might be a momma, a lover -- jilted, or still in. You could be baker, a quilter, a painter, a teacher, a seamstress, a preacher, or even a dreamer… Perhaps you’re the one who figures things out. If you're basically happy with you and if you can achieve then I say you're just fine. If you've done something that you can be proud of, or if you have encouraged someone else to take a leap of faith then you are already fine.

 

If someone loves you, even if it is only your mother, or your cat or dog; if you can clean up nicely, or not; if you can, or cannot recall a time when you’ve looked hot; if you, my lovely, are any of these things and more, then you are quite possibly already fine. So as Billy Joel's song says, 'Don't go changing...'  

Remember, it matters not what others suggest…the choice to enhance or update, to be or not to be is up to you, and you alone, because you are, in my opinion…already super-duper fine.

 

Until next time, shine brightly my darlings, shine brightly!

 

April

 

You need the right bra, plain and simple.

Don't be confused, you need the right bra.

Did you know that a bra can be one of the most important pieces in a woman’s shapewear arsenal? Not only does it re-shape but it can even re-size, and this is important because drooping bazooms can make one look slouchy, or old. 

I'm telling you this because I don’t want you to be in the dark.  I'm also saying the right bra can create an enchanting, smooth and youthful silhouette, no matter what your size or age. The right one can cause you to appear pounds thinner, but most of all, wearing the right bra can elevate a woman’s confidence. Then you can go get that job, confidently make the team, or stand before that audience and proudly address the issue at hand.

To read more, click April's Bras Sense...

A few tips on crafting a good story...

As a writer, I've often been asked by other writers, "How do you know when a story is finished?" Well, I know when I have no more questions to answer. Then the tale I'm telling is done. When every issue that was raised in the story has been put to bed, then I know I've done my job.

But how does an author keep track of everything that needs to be covered, one might ask. Well, you could keep an altogether different document that lists points that should be made. Then you could cross off or delete them as they are entered into your work.

Won't that take forever? This may be another question on a writer's mind. Well, it may take a little while, but crafting a good story is not a sprint. It's more a marathon.

But then listing points of interest may change the initial tenor of the story, you might say. I agree. However, that's where edits and re-writes come in. I don't know about others, but I couldn't craft a great story without the twins, Editing and Re-Writing. If made proper use of, they can become an author's greatest friends. They can make a good story so much better. Often they will even add interest, intrigue and suspense. In short, editing and re-writes can turn a story into more than the author initially dreamed.

Also, as writers and authors we must look at our work as our readers will. Readers don't like it when we mention things and then don't clarify them. Therefore, we must make sure to mark and fix those things. Now I don't mean belabor a point, that can become boring. But it would be most unfair to leave the reader hanging --unless, of  course, a sequel is planned. Then that should be stated, clearly.

I feel the only time we can leave a reader hanging is when we're going to revisit a point. Yet even then we must create an atmosphere of suspense, so that the reader will instinctively understand that they are moving forward, toward something.

Below, I'll give you an example of what I mean. It is an excerpt from my latest novel entitled Improbable... It's available online at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. Do enjoy, and I look to see you again soon!

—The only thing was...she needed to get him to commit, to her. But how could he, when his mind was always on that slinky, coffee with milk-colored black —girl who needed to move on? What was he doing with her anyway?

Sure, Jeremy had some Negro in him, as Mam-maw, Ashlee’s grandmother called it. But the negroidism was so far back in his family lineage until his genes had probably already rid themselves of the impurity. To Ashlee he sure looked white, and was...he...gorgeous! Ah, and he had been born into wealth, Ashlee remembered. That was most important.

So time to get to work, time to plan, because she had to make her new name, her new tits, her new hair color, and her whitened teeth pay off. She didn’t care what she had to do.

Heck, to get to this point, she had already done so much. She had even endured what she felt was too much. She’d given up her family, and her friends. She’d also left her home, so she was willing to go the distance. At this point, she would readily destroy any ‘obstacle’ that got in her way, and that included Gemma Janelle.

Ashlee felt she would do so because there was no way that she would go back to living in the shadow of the mountains. No freaking way.

You ever heard somebody sing a song you've heard a thousand times? Yet there's that one time when the song or the song-stylist makes you do a double-take. Well, I had that experience not long ago and I had to quickly turn my head. I had to ask --with emphasis-- "Who was that?"

In my opinion, it takes a special kind of artist to do that; to just make a person stop in their tracks. Young Whitney Houston did it, back in the day. And Jaimee Paul happened to do it for me the
other day.

There I was, seated with my coffee at hand, just merrily typing away when the song 'Cry Me A River' came wafting through my speakers. Now I've long loved this song, especially Natalie
Cole's version. However, after the intro I started paying real attention, because this lady who was not Natalie has something. Many might call it the 'It' factor. I would go further and say that 'something' is the meeting of talent and skill -- and songstress Jaimee Paul has it.

So I looked her up. With her look that happens to be reminiscent of old Hollywood -- you know, the ruby red-slicked lips, the curly mane, and alabaster skin -- she appears quite commercial. Yet what I love are her rich vocals. After reading up on her, it appears  she's been wowing audiences in many places. Now her voice is wowing me.

Because I do so enjoy her renditions of great American standards, I'd like to share one with you.

My darlings I do hope you enjoy it as I did. If you get a chance,
check out her cover or Lover Man on her At Last album/CD. Let me know what you think, and until next time...

Be blessed,

April

Could You Be A Bully?

I was reading the account of the bus monitor, a grown woman who was taunted by kids on the bus where she was supposed to maintain order. Boy were the kids cruel! Many people asked why the woman took it. Well, there could be a host of reasons. Those I don't particularly want to discuss right now.

I do want to say that those who have never experienced the cruelty that is bullying may not realize something... Bullying does not only happen to children. Granted, it is not something that is spoken of as often as the cruelty that children, adolescents and teenagers experience at the hands of their peers. However, it does go on.

How many of us are consciously aware that adults can be bullies?  Not only do they push children and pets around, they often bully other adults. 

Big question; how to tell if you're a bully?

• If you're going up to your kid's school to jump on the teacher, before you have all the facts, you just may be a bully. You might also be one if you do this to the coach or other parents in the PTA.
• If you're a person who is self-righteous and believe there is no right way but your way, then you may be a bully.
• If you're a person who verbally browbeats others into submission, then perhaps you too fall in the bully category.
• If you're someone who hides behind your pc or other electronic device while you spew undeserved evil at or about others, think about it. You're probably a bully, and a cowardly one at that.
• If you're the person on the job that always keeps snippets of gossip going, and you're the one always holding court, sitting in judgment of your co-workers, guess what?
• Even if you're a grandma, one who has nothing nice to say about your underlings, those family members who rate lower in the family hierarchy than you, and you wield your power against them, Granny, you are a bully.
• If you're the neighborhood watch person and you police people, for little or no reason, just because you can, you --window watcher-- are most likely a bully.

There are other scenarios, but now I ask how can you change? Do you even want to? Perhaps you like who you are. If you don't, the first step to reforming is to take a good look at what you are
doing. Ask yourself why? Are you gaining anything positive from it? In the pursuit of being better if you cannot truthfully answer yes, or say that you've gained a sense of peace and satisfaction from browbeating others then it's time for a change. Don't you think?